So I’ve read this article: There is this theory that love comes in one’s life only three times. Before rolling your eyes, bear with me for a second (ok, maybe 3), hear me out.
According to the love scientists there is this first real love. The adolescentine one, the love that you feel with every pore and you breathe with every breath. The one that makes you believe you own the world and everything is possible. The one, first love that we learn(!), mold our life beliefs and make references at, the first experience , no matter how it is really, but how we believe should be according to our literary choices until this age, or bad movies we’ve seen, the one love that we compare later love. And maybe, sometimes this love is a bit similar with what others are expecting from us, like in this movie “the lobster”: in a dystopian society you end up being an animal if you are single after a limited period of time. So, our fear of and/or society norms is pushing us to have a “love” or the acceptable fake equivalent in alignment with the rest.
The second one, according to the same scientists, it’s the heartbreaking love. The hard love. Where we learn, maybe, who we are and how we want to be loved. With the complete menu: lies, manipulation and everything in between. By now we believe that we are mature, that we understand, we compromise and more important, it has to work to make a point. That is necessary to prove our worth. The one we wish would work (more than anything).
I dare saying, that in between this love and the “final” one, there may be a cycle, we get stuck in various loves repeating the same mistakes with the belief that is surely different from the one before. This is just my speculation, scientists don’t mention anything about this step.
After all the struggle and despair, lessons learned (!) and hope lost, this last love comes up out of nowhere. It’s unexpected and it doesn’t fit any scenario you might have had. Is just real. It doesn’t adapt to any literature script or movie, could be that sometimes is the most outrageous unwritten novel. And for good reason, because it’s unique, right? The rules are broken and our preconceived notions about how love should be are shattered.
What about you? You feel lucky enough to have understood the science of love in early stages or still wandering like a blind searching for that one perfect love? I am asking for a friend.
“We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.” – Anais Nin