ce mai facem în 2020

Fie ca. You know the drill.

Ce am mai facut anu’ asta si ce mai facem la anu’? Nu?

Așa e trendu’ – facem un bilanț al anului care tocmai se încheie si (re)scriem noi liste lungi cu rezolutii pentru 2020. Bineînțeles începem cu mâncatul sănătos si făcut de sport. De mâine, oricum e imposibil între Craciun si Anul Nou.

Ce sa vezi, ia te uita ca refuz. La fiecare final de an e la fel. Ma lepad de anul care a trecut repede, ca a fost nasol si trec “in revista” (sic) cam ce cred eu ca ar trebui sa se intample in noul an.

Cine e mai organizat (de exemplu, un Capricorn ) are agenda (bullet journal – sic Angela) si le etalează frumos pe saptamâni, luni, evenimente astrologice si zodie, după calendarul maya sau vedele indiene, după înclinația fiecăruia.

Dar să termin bilanțul, înainte sa ma apuc de o noua strategie anuală. Ca să nu vă dezamăgesc – 2019 a fost nashpa. Știm cu toții. Rezoluția nu a funcționat ca pe caiet. Am scris eu, dar: am procastinat, am mâncat prost (nici anu’ asta nu am devenit vegană), m-am lăsat de sport, am reluat alte obiceiuri rele de care mă lăsasem, nu (!) m-am lăsat de fumat, m-am lăsat manipulata de (mainstream) media, nu mi-am închis Feisbooku’, am cumpărat multe lucruri de care nu am nevoie (capitalismul m-a cuprins de-a binelea), nu prea am citit, am văzut (cred) toate serialele de pe Netflix , nu am mai văzut nici o țară/loc nou, am mers cu avionul (forgive me Greta) și am muncit până la epuizare. Etc etc.

Pe de altă parte, am petrecut timp mult cu prieteni, am plâns, am făcut ceva noi prieteni, am râs, am dezbătut, am sarcasm, am astea. A fost bine la noul meu job, am învățat și dezvățat. M-am mutat intr-o nouă casă, mai umană și mai dătătoare de speranța. E ca și cum aș fi un om mare. M-am responsabilizat, îmi plătesc facturile și taxele la timp, am învățat cu mine și despre mine, am mai lăsat pe alții sa câștige, pentru că, nu-i așa , trebuie sa ne alegem câte o bătălie, nu le putem purta chiar pe toate. Astea fiind zise, copy și paste în noua listă de rezoluții (pe care nu o mai fac).

Un lucru e sigur doar: mă las de fumat. Măcar dacă e în eter, pe sfântul internet, nu mă pot dezice.

Încă ceva: voi încerca sa fiu mai puțin nesuferită cu ceilalți oricât de greu mi-ar fi.

Dacă le îndeplinesc p-astea doua, eu zic, că e bine.

Yada yada yada. Hai vă pup si la scris noi liste cu voi.

Oh, and by a miracle from God, my hair is fabulous.



The social pressure to drink

As the year comes to the end, as usual, the celebrations get ahead and people start organising the pre- fun of the actual festive days to come.

So there are a few weeks before that, where you will probably attend a series of parties and social gatherings, supposedly to wind up after the hard work during the year and to get some celebratory feeling that we all HAVE to get into.

Nothing wrong with parties or cake or alcohol or binge eating your guts out. So far. Being a good friend, colleague and/or family you say yes to all the invitations without skipping a beat to support the madness.

The trend that completely drives me insane tough, is when someone is asking me( more than once): “why aren’t you drinking? You are no fun, come on! Lose it a little! “

There are two questions deriving from that: first of all “why drinking is supposed to make me fun?” And “why do I have to be fun to begin with?” Can I not be myself ? what makes people think that drinking will change my personality and become this amazing fun person ( that I am often without alcohol enhancers or any other type for that matter).

So having to answer to the 1st question is already enough to make me anxious about any social gathering, in general. I sometimes drink but more than often I don’t. Do I have to explain people why I don’t? Like, not having a glass makes me a pariah of the party, “the party pooper”, as they say or simply the boring girl that is not drinking.

Often you give in the pressure just to get away without the pestering. Or you pretend having “gin tonic” while your glass is pure mineral water, alcohol free. And so, people are happy. “Oh good, thank goodness, I thought you are not drinking anything!” Why people feel the need to have your alcohol intake under control? where is this coming from?

My explanation was that there is this “belief”: if one is not drinking is impossible to have fun. Which goes to my second question. Is fun imperative? Why is fun so important and why I need to make sure that is happening? My simple self is not good enough? As a friend put it: I’ve had my share of fun, i simply evolved and my idea of fun comes from so many other things, alcohol not being a priority or simply not doing the trick anymore.

So, you are one of those that brag about being completely wasted at the party last night? I am not impressed.



Care to share an embarrassing moment from 2019?

As I was complaining in one of my previous posts about having to wake up on a Friday, I had to wake up in the same (extreme I would say) conditions on Monday.

So I make it to work. I drink half of my coffee after having to be nice to people, I get into a meeting, forget my coffee on my desk. I survive the meeting, did not say one stupid word (clapping to myself, yey) – open my inbox – still forget about that coffee.

I remember I have an appointment at my psychiatrist at 5:30. Why the hell I have even accepted this time on a Monday?

Oh, well. The rain, wind, whatever ( well, not in the office but you get the drill, still have to complain about it) continues for the rest of the day. I am stressed I won’t make it to my appointment.

Hope by now that you got over the fact I have a psychiatrist, I manage to finish everything (pretty much) ahead of time and I run to my appointment. I even get there on time. I sat in the waiting room about a good 15 minutes.

There is another person entering the room, I look up and I know I must have messed the hour again. No, this would not be a first. This guy looks at me and he says convinced (in trueness) that his appointment is 5:45. Oh well, I take out my agenda (which I have to avoid this kind of situations), I look it up and of course I have arrived a week earlier. By now I keep thinking how to deliver the news to this person that he’s right and not look completely idiotic. Too late anyway, and on top of everything, he looks familiar.

Obviously I don’t remember his face but it triggers me that he looks embarrassed. Well buddy, that makes two of us. At least you don’t have Alzheimer’s, you are probably “just” depressed.

My therapist gets out, she sees me and starts laughing when I already tell her that I know I arrived a bit too early. She apologised- I don’t know why, maybe because she felt sorry for me, I wish her a great week and run out the door.

Few minutes out, I realise that the guy in the waiting area is one of the clients of the agency I work for. We had a meeting not long ago.

I now have this app to exercise memory. Good luck to me.

Namaste. It stopped raining while I was inside.


Dark Friday mornings

Fridays. The eternal day of hope for all the corporate people out there.

Early December, on a Friday. Waking up at 7 (is this even an hour to be awake at any level?), it’s dark all right. The decision – it’s really too dark to get up. So you stare at your ceiling a bit more until you are really late for you to go in the office. Yet, you have too. Yes, but you cannot leave the house without having a coffee. So you take your time in making one. Take even a slower shower, you need a bit of motivation really. After two hours that are too short for you to be in any state of meeting people, you drag yourself out of the house.

Since it’s winter, it’s really cold. You got used to that. To make things better, it’s raining, still dark, you are in Belgium after all. Now, you are really late. You decide to take the tram – if will ever arrive. It only arrives after 10 minutes. Not so bad. Arghhh – first contact with people. They are all wet and look at you with hate and disgust, it’s ok, you feel the same. They dont move an inch so you can have some personal space. Ok, hold your breath and close your eyes, they might disappear. Nope, it doesn’t happen, still there.

Now, you think you won a few minutes. Wanna bet? You did not. Something happened somewhere in the city and created chaos, even more chaos. Sirens and car honks everywhere. Oh, i just wish i we’re somewhere warm. Like the office. Not yet. the tram doesn’t move for a few good minutes. Almost there, oh wait, now, you are blocked in the tram right before your last stop. Oh, well, you are already late. What’s a few minutes more.

Finally, it moves!!!! You get out, in the merciless weather. Now it’s even windy and your umbrella carries you away like you are Mary effing Poppins. More humans are pushing you. Just a few more minutes and you are almost there. You see a few teenagers eating croissants in the rain – that i get, it happened to me as well. They look happy.

Still rainy, dark and windy. But hey, you are almost there. Getting in the elevator after searching your badge for a few minutes. Now, you have to put on a smile. Your work smile. People in the elevator look as relived as you to be inside. They make some noises like they just finished a battle. Almost one hour later: yep, that is exactly how it felt, like a battle to get in here.

At least there is chocolate here. And coffee. Oh, Fridays.


black friday, black widow, black is the new black

I know you’ve missed me, so voila, i am back.

Don’t i always? As the norm in the winter, my hibernation is right on, this one is no exception. Especially since i have moved in my ultra Instagram(ble) new place. It was a hassle, but hey, it was all worth it. Now, i would literally throw money out of the window if i would even leave my apartment. So spending expensive time on my couch is the new black.

Since you asked (no one, ever) – I just want to share with you my opinion on the ultra advertised Black Friday. Black Friday originates from the early capitalist (american) day showing signs of disruptive hectic traffic due to the shopping before the Thanksgiving day – you could say is equal to the pre Christmas chaos that we all know very well.

Also, you know that anyone who wants to make an honest ‘buck’ (pun intended), is coming out with “cheaper” products/services etc that we’re actually increased in price just a week before. Again, is just marketing people, not rocket science. Plus why on earth i would even want to be in a shopping mall or a shop all together when there are so many people in there? for those of you who have social anxiety, you see where i am going with this.

You will say, yes, but i can also shop online. Yes, you can. Also – do you really need all that plastic? all that clothes coming in shiny boxes with the price tag attached as a trophy? all that garbage that will end up polluting and killing the environment? Be honest with yourself, a piece of shiny material will make you feel better for about a second about your lousy life, furthermore, it will all be forgotten in the back of your closet and will end up, best case scenario, in the giveaway box next year when you declutter your wardrobe.

Well, i am not to be the hypocrite here, i used to buy my happiness in batches. In time, however, i learned to educate myself to know my (also financial) limits and the way to a more sustainable living. Not that i am perfect in that way. Yet, i avoid cheap plastic everything. Because plastic literally is everywhere, I learnt that is even in the water we drink everyday, even more if you buy it in a plastic bottle.

I will not be the advocate of the devil here, nor Greta, god forbidden, all i am trying to say: can we think twice before buying so much? Can we not try and be honest with our real needs and in the end, why not trying to re use things? every kind of things? buy that second hand (or curated if it sounds more fancy to you) bag or dress, or car (ok, maybe not the best example). Buy that flea market bargain, if will feel even nicer, i promise you that.

That being said, I will let you with that shopping list. Careful now, you will have to do it, I know, yet it can be nice if you try to do other type of gifts: like time and love, you see my point there.



Mercury Retrograde is over

So is my patience with it. November is usually one of the months of the year that gets you hyped and super busy trying to finish what you didn’t managed during the year. So you, (ok, me), start shoving all the things on the list that remained (un)ticked in the hope that this year you will manage to achieve that year resolution list.

Jokes aside, (Mercury is no joke i am telling you, it was literally here most of November and it was painful), no one doubts that you are trying your best. Of course, there is a pun. We all have that friend that is super busy and pushy and tried hard to overachieve and thinks that the universe is all about them.

This doesn’t give anyone the right to be an ass. Actually don’t be an ass at all, if possible. Don’t lecture your friend about how to plan their life, don’t lecture your friends at all. I agree you can share whats bothering you and be frank, still don’t be a condescending jerk. Don’t be hypocrite and shift blame, don’t take things personally – is not always about you and life doesn’t revolve around your schedule and your priorities.

Anyway, i started to give a lecture and i am not your life coach. You see, it’s easy to see when you cross the line.

Namaste to all and hope that December will not get you all over-hyped and crazy with hysteria.

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.


The rabbit hole

I was at a dinner table with some strangers that they we’re trying their best to please me. The rabbit was prepared in special occasions – I was told – and it was a delicacy around these places. It might be I thought, but then again, also my grandfather thought the same, I did not share his opinion.

So, I was faced with the big white (fancy) plate full of the fine delicacy, cooked at the best. It had some salad leafs around. I am sure that must of been other things on that table but I don’t remember much. I only remember the immaculate dinner table with the perfect aligned cutlery and plates. With the neat white serviettes complementing the whole arrangement.

I did not know how to react to the ”surprise”. For them I was the poor, inexperienced and under fed ”child” coming from a third world. Offering me this rabbit feast must of been a delight they thought. Except it wasn’t. The smell churn off my stomach and I was smiling trying to explain in my best Italian that I can’t eat this. Yes, we do eat it in my country too, except that I don’t. I can’t eat rabbits. They are rather partners to play with and not a meal to me.

I was finally given some pasta. At least this I could eat. They still could not get over the shock that I refused their delicious rabbit.

After dinner I watched loud Italian tv. If you don’t know Italian tv, oh well, I can tell you it’s a delight. I just wanted to go to sleep so after all that dinner fuss now they had to accept I cannot entertain them.

I was showed my room – an equally sterile bedroom, with sheets so perfect, that I was afraid not to ruin them. I tried to go to sleep, yet it was very difficult. Why I was even here? Oh yes, I was trying to please my mum. These people are remarkable and helped me a lot in my journey here. You will see, they are nice people and you will like them. One dinner won’t kill you. And, really, they are like family. Not my family, I thought.

Yes, it was embarrassing and for some reason I felt that it was under my dignity to be there and pretend all that circus. Like, I was a circus monkey they we’re dying to see. Except I wasn’t, I could not ever accept this role.